{"id":111,"date":"2009-02-02T23:02:48","date_gmt":"2009-02-02T23:02:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dev.gregbueno.com\/wp\/vexvox\/2009\/02\/02\/learning_all_the_wrong_lessons\/"},"modified":"2009-02-02T23:02:48","modified_gmt":"2009-02-02T23:02:48","slug":"learning_all_the_wrong_lessons","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gregbueno.com\/vexvox\/2009\/02\/02\/learning_all_the_wrong_lessons\/","title":{"rendered":"Learning all the wrong lessons from Tim Gunn"},"content":{"rendered":"

One of the most confounding things about Project Runway<\/em> mentor Tim Gunn is the fact he hasn't had a boyfriend in 20 years. Even in his 50s, Gunn cuts a striking figure, impossibly well-adjusted and attractive, if not physically certainly in personality. He's the kind of guy who would have been taken long, long ago, but no — Gunn acknowledged his own thin skin where matters of the heart were concerned and exercised restraint.<\/p>\n

That just makes him all the more hotter.<\/p>\n

And yet, I find his resolve admirable. The energy most people spend trying to find "the one", Gunn spent cultivating a social circle suitable for his comfort. He stuck to his own idea of what it means to be a social creature, and over time, it rewarded him extremely well.<\/p>\n

January 2009 marked 10 years since I took myself off the market. At the time, I said I was "taking a break" from dating. A decade later, I can count the few dates and hookups I've had since on one hand. OK, maybe one hand and a few fingers.<\/p>\n

But I'm not Tim Gunn. Although I think he's quite the introvert, Gunn doesn't seem to have a misanthropic bone in his body. Me? I'm made of all sorts of misanthropy.<\/p>\n

But I look at Gunn and think, "If someone as magnetic as him can keep to himself, the world isn't missing anything if I don't put my sorry ass out there." Oh, I've been told that I should have someone in my life, and Kramer<\/a> has gone so far as to call my solitude "a waste of good Taurus."<\/p>\n

Three years of therapy scratched at the surface of my motivations for not dating, and it would be too tedious of a read to detail it here. The summary is simple — I wasn't raised with very convincing models of how relationships work. I look at how my family interacts with their various spouses and partners, and I question where's the payoff.<\/p>\n

Before 1999, I came close to understanding the allure of relationships, and I would think, "Hey, this is nice." A warm body, nice attention. But after some time and distance, I would think, "Huh. I kind of lost my sense of awareness there. Probably shouldn't let that happen again."<\/p>\n

In other words, I have much lesser excuse for not dating than Tim Gunn. Tim doesn't like dealing with a broken heart. I just don't like dealing with people.<\/p>\n

And yet, I find his example inspiring. He's a nice catch that can't be gotten. I make no claims of what kind of catch I am, but I know I'm not a good salesman for my own bona fides. Whatever the case, Tim Gunn has fashioned himself a life suitable for him which works well.<\/p>\n

I don't see much wrong with my life either. I've got a job that doesn't make me dread life. I've got interests that keep me engaged. I have a small social circle that doesn't crimp on my sense of solitude. Would that improve with the addition of that "someone else"? I guess. But the incentive to find out just doesn't compel me to do so.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One of the most confounding things about Project Runway mentor Tim Gunn is the fact he hasn't had a boyfriend in 20 years. Even in his 50s, Gunn cuts a striking figure, impossibly well-adjusted and attractive, if not physically certainly in personality. He's the kind of guy who would have been taken long, long ago, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-111","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4Bkgj-1N","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gregbueno.com\/vexvox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/111","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gregbueno.com\/vexvox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gregbueno.com\/vexvox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gregbueno.com\/vexvox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gregbueno.com\/vexvox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=111"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/gregbueno.com\/vexvox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/111\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gregbueno.com\/vexvox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=111"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gregbueno.com\/vexvox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=111"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gregbueno.com\/vexvox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=111"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}