Tonight was the first night I could go to the school track to do some cardio. The weather people say this week will hit the '80s in Austin, which means evenings cool enough to wear shorts outside. Someone was already using the stationary bicycle — my recent machine of choice — in the apartment gym, so I opted to brave the allergens in the air and exercise outside.
Before winter started, I would do a few cardio sessions outdoors, and at that point, I couldn't do a full lap without running out of breath. I could get 3/4 of the way there, then revert to a walk. Over the winter, I used the treadmill instead and stepped up the pace from 5 mph to 5.5 mph. I also started doing more with the bicycle.
Well, tonight I discovered I can now do a full lap at the track with relative ease. I don't feel like I'm about to lose momentum when I reach the end of the lap. In other words, I'm getting better.
It's been a year and a half since I started exercising regularly, and I'm not sure if I can really channel the changes my body has gone through.
I don't have cans by any means, but when I flex my arms, I can feel some real definition there. The skin on my legs feel taut, and although I still have a paunch and love handles, I don't look like I'm in my first trimester. If I take off my glasses and look in the mirror, I can fool myself into thinking I have abs.
I have never been this healthy in my entire life. And I haven't been this healthy for such a long time.
Some part of me misses the days when I wouldn't need to workout all that hard, but my body would freak out and shed pounds like crazy. Now I'm pretty much stuck at 170 lbs., and I don't want that number to go any higher ever again. I can't help but feel a little proud that my body can totally handle the kind of workout that would have killed me (perhaps literally) a year and a half ago.
So now what?
I've gotten this far … do I want to be a total gay stereotype and go for more muskels? Do I cut more calories to get to that elusive body fat percentage below 18 percent? (I'm currently 22 percent, which is "acceptable".) Do I go for those benefit racing competitions? (Oh, hellz no.)
I don't know, and right now, I'm not sure I care.
I do notice my scheduled discipline has shown some signs of slacking, recently. And my ascetic diet choices have made room for bigger portions and higher calories. Maybe it's OK that I let myself live a little. I don't have the body of my dreams, but I don't have a body that needs to be obfuscated either.